Laugh Out Loud With the Funniest Quotes in Soccer History

Soccer players are constantly reminded by their coaches and parents just how serious the game truly is. It requires focus both on and off the field, not to mention a whole lot of commitment and dedication. But there’s got to be some fun mixed in, too, because you want to actually enjoy the process while growing as a player. 

In the spirit of adding a little lightness to your game, we’ve rounded up some of the funniest soccer quotes from the players you love (or idolize). Hopefully they remind you to loosen up and laugh a little.

Funniest soccer quotes to make you crack a smile from your favorite players.

To kick things off, here’s a funny and witty quote from two-time Olympic gold medalist and two-time FIFA Women’s World Cup champion Mia Hamm. “My coach said I run like a girl, and I said if he ran a little faster, he could too,” Mia joked. Mia’s coach was suggesting that running like a girl was a bad thing, but considering her level of skill and accomplishments, perhaps more players should run like girls, too. She even pointed out that her coach could, too, if he picked up the pace. Needless to say, this quote carries the perfect level of sarcasm.

“We lost because we didn’t win.” — Cristiano Ronaldo

It’s the perfect quote for a loss you just can’t explain. The players were on point, you were on your A-game, and everything should have gone right. But somehow, walked away with a loss (“an L”). So what better way to sum it up than simply saying, “We lost because we didn’t win.” Thanks, Cristiano, for the gem.

“Call me a tomboy. Tomboys get medals. Tomboys win championships. Tomboys can fly. Oh. And tomboys aren’t boys.” — Julie Foudy

There’s a common misconception that being a tomboy is somehow a bad thing. But as Julie Foudy points out, “tomboys get medals” and “win championships,” so is being a tomboy really that bad? She’s also highlighting the fact that even though “tomboy” suggests a girl is behaving like a boy or doing things typically associated with boys, tomboys aren’t boys; they’re just girls who can do anything.

“My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about seven.” — David Beckham

Seven? David Beckham wasn’t being entirely serious with this comment. That’s because his parents were there for him long before he turned seven. But the way he worded it is what makes it so funny, because it almost sounds like his parents were nowhere to be found until he hit age seven.

“When I prepare for a match, it’s like work, even the way I have to shower and put on my makeup.” — Alex Morgan

Do we sense a little sarcasm here? It definitely sounds like Alex is poking fun at the pressure female soccer players face to look “game-day glam,” even though the sport is really about being mentally locked in and physically prepared. Maybe she’s calling out the double standard. Or, maybe she’s just having fun with it. She did love a little glam herself before retiring in September 2024.

“I’m as happy as I can be — but I have been happier.” — Ugo Ehiogu

It’s nice to stay positive and optimistic, but sometimes you have to be honest with yourself. The truth can burn a little, sure, but it also makes for a pretty funny soccer quote.

So, which quote made you crack the widest smile? Or maybe you have another funny line from a pro soccer player that you think is even funnier. If so, feel free to share it down below.

Image via @alexmorgan13

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