Good morning.
Ahem.
[Removes slip of paper from pants pocket, unfurls…]
Last week in the spirit of Jest,
I curated a gravel contest.
The entries poured in,
But which one should win?
I cannot decide which is best.
Yeah, pretty bad, sorry. But what do you want from me? I never said I was a poet.
Now this is poetry:
Let us sing of bikes, which we have many
Not near enough for those in marketing
To slake their thirst would cost quite a penny
So our needs for graveling they will sing
First add one with flat bars, for our hands’ ease
A shock on the front! Ah yes, that’s the thing
Light and squirrelly? So racy, yes please!
Tires round and bulbous, takes out the sting
When shredding the gnar, no MTB need
The frame tubes of carbon, fear not the mass
The rims doth be hookless, pressure thou heed
Brakes hydro and disc-y, to stop your ass
Who are we kidding? Let’s go on a rant
To hell with what Trek says, buy one from Grant
Also, this late entry, though ineligible, deserves honorable mention.
So I’ve mentioned it. Honorably.
Anyway, I’ll probably Award the Lube™ tomorrow.
Maybe.
Speaking of the Spirit of Gravel, it’s about to get slightly bigger:
This will make riding on gravel “quicker, smoother and more comfortable.” You know, like…RIDING ON A PAVED ROAD:
When the bike industry figures out how to market a bike specifically for the smooth processed gravel with which most roads in the civilized world are surfaced I’m telling you it’s gonna be HUGE. I can’t wait to hear what term they come up with for these pavement-specific bicycles. If it were me I’d go with something like “road bike,” but that’s pretty boring, and I’m sure the marketing geniuses can do better.
Too bad “urban gravel bike” is already taken, and has been since at least 2023:
And yes, the Urban Gravel Bike is for you…just as long as you’re a pink-hatted sandal bro with a bike bag full of vinyl LPs:
All he’s missing is the “I Voted” sticker.
As for the 32-inch gravel bike, call me a conspiracy theorist, but this may be about selling people new bicycles:
See, 650b used to be the hot new gravel size, but it seems to be going out of style now, and the reason for this is that you don’t really need a new bike for it. Not only do most current gravel bikes with dick breaks accept both 650b and 700c, but you can even convert some older rim brake bikes to work with it. But the genius of 32-inch wheels is that you need a whole new bike to use it:
This is one of the first in a wave of 32in-compatible components on the horizon from manufacturers of gravel and mountain bike parts, with 32in bikes requiring different frames, forks, tyres and rims from bikes running 29in wheels.
Scoff if you want, but the bike industry’s in trouble. In a post-gravel economy, flat mount brakes are good, but flat sales are not:
So not only will a shift to 32-inch wheels require everyone to buy new frames, but Shimano can increase profitability by introducing the new GRX 32!
Sure, it may look like your current GRX crank only with the number “32” written on it, but what you can’t see is that the BCD differs from ordinary GRX by .8mm, making it fully incompatible with regular GRX. This is for your safety, since GRX 32 uses chainrings optimized for 32-inch wheels, which can be dangerous if used with 700c or 650b. Why? Because 32-inch wheels have more traction, so if you use a GRX 32 crank on an old-fashioned 700c or smaller wheel you’re liable to spin out, resulting in serious injury or death.
And after that will come GRX 32 SL:
By the way, believe it or not, no AI was used in the above images.
Speaking of manipulating perception, I wish Streetsblog could decide whether this recent snowstorm was routine or historic:
During a walk to get a slice at midday yesterday — more than 15 days after the routine 12-inch snowfall of Jan. 25 — Managing Editor David Meyer saw that the protected bike lanes on Grand and Lafayette streets in Little Italy had still not been plowed (even though we mentioned them in a story two days earlier and had posted about this on our popular social media channels, too).
And here it’s historic:
On Jan. 25 — 15 days ago today — New York City had its worst snowstorm in years. We’ve endured bigger dumps from Mother Nature, but rarely do temperatures remain below freezing for so long, not only keeping the snow in place, but hardening it into immovable bergs that block bus stops, sidewalks and bike lanes — and make a mockery of the notion of getting around on foot, in a wheelchair or on a bike.
And complicating all of this is that recently Streetsblog had given up on the idea of snow altogether:
You know, because of climate change:
The snow is already starting to melt (damn, global warming), but we thought we would provide you with the first, and possibly only, road report of the winter.
Look, I don’t like that when it comes to bike lane obstructions I’ve become one of those “Just go around it” people…but, you know, just go around it.
Finally, you may recall Framework, who make artisanal Trek 2300s:
And who were anointed by the cycling media as the Custom Bicycle Builder Of The Moment, even though no cycling media person who got one actually seemed to like it:
Anyway, I’d mostly forgotten about them until YouTube served me this video:
First the builder had to re-do the headset because it would bind when the rider put his full weight on the bars. Then the bike just broke:
Don’t make me say it…
Don’t make me say it.