Going With The Floe

Further to yesterday’s post, I’m not sure what happened with the Hyundai commercial. It was the right commercial when I watched it, and the description matches…

…but the actual video embedded in the post now shows a different commercial.

Anyway, no doubt you’ve moved on, but if you absolutely must see the hapless Freds running that light it seems as though you can do so here.

Meanwhile, greetings from the bank of the mighty Hudson River, just across from the primordial New Jersey Palisades:

When you approach the water you expect frozen stillness, but the chunks of ice drifting in the current creates a sensation of movement which makes you feel kind of seasick as you look at it:

Though to be fair the bike doesn’t help in the nausea department:

I really should upgrade to a carbon fiber bicycle, which would in turn give me an excuse to upgrade to carbon fiber pants:

Finally, a pair of pants that is 15 times stronger than steel!

Harrumph, as a retrogrouch I’ll stick with my steel cuisses and greaves, thankyouverymuch:

Cuisses & Greaves is going to be the name of my new artisanal bikepacking bag company. I also really like those those sabatons. Sure, they look a little cumbersome, but I bet they were still easier to walk in than road bikes shoes.

Naturally I was intrigued by the pants, so I headed over to the clothing company’s website, and I made the exact same facial expression as the model when I learned that they were $595:

[“Say what?”]

Though that’s still a better deal than the Colnago clothes, which can’t even stretch in any direction simultaneously:

Weighing just 350 grams, the pants can stretch in any direction simultaneously, while withstanding the same tests as our 100 Year gear – making them the strongest pair of lightweight, stretchy, everyday pants ever built.

I’m having a difficult time envisioning a scenario in which I’d stretch my pants in multiple directions simultaneously, short of having another person inside of them with me who’s trying to run in the opposite direction.

They also have “military grade” t-shirts, which are a comparative bargain at $145:

It’s so tough it will outlive you!

Engineered with a blend of military grade Japanese Cordura and cotton, the 100 Year T Shirt is just as soft as a regular cotton t shirt, but it’s 14x stronger. The challenge for the 100 Year T Shirt was simple – build a t shirt that’s tough enough to outlive you, but comfortable enough for you to want to spend the rest of your life in. The reality of most t shirts is that after a few years they start to break down, then they’re thrown out. The 100 Year T Shirt is different. While it looks like a regular cotton t shirt and feels like a regular cotton t shirt, it’s made from a material so tough it was originally developed for military combat uniforms.

How is that a selling point though? I really don’t want a t-shirt that’s going to outlive me. I’d get depressed knowing I’m going to die before my shirt. Wearing out a t-shirt is part of the natural cycle of life, like watching the seasons change or losing your hair. Sure, you might think you want your t-shirt to last forever, but it’s probably like wishing for immortality, in that when your wish is actually granted you realize it’s actually a living hell. Why deny yourself the process of getting a t-shirt, breaking it in nicely, wearing it until it’s gossamer, and then getting a new one and starting the process anew? Really, the only situation in which I’d want my t-shirt to outlive me would be if I get inducted into the Gravel Cycling Hall of Fame and when I die they put my body on display like Lenin:

No offense to any of these intrepid gravelliers mentioned in the article, but as I’ve mentioned before, this is by far The World’s Most Premature Hall of Fame. The logo of the Gravel Cycling Hall of Fame should be a picture of a horse with a cart in front of it. Plus, I wanted to know where the Gravel Cycling Hall of Fame was located so I could make sure to never visit it, and I found out there isn’t even a physical one at all:

A physical presence should be the very first rule for the establishment of a hall of fame. Like, they couldn’t rent a barn somewhere and fill it with wax figurines and troughs full of different types of gravel?

Bring the kids, it’s a tactile sensory experience!



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