It’s A Write-Off At This Point

Bike racing:

Is it even still a thing?

At least here in these United States, bike racing as a sport has followed the exact opposite trajectory of the career of Keanu Reeves–with the possible exception of gravel, but even that has only managed to attain Sam Rockwell levels of success at best. Gatherings of influencers riding bicycles on very small rocks notwithstanding, the American landscape is strewn with the remains of defunct bicycle races, for this is the country where pro cycling comes to die. Regardless, like a dog that returns to its vomit is a Fred who repeats his folly, and so a British promoter is trying to bring a new stage race to Colorado:

While so far they haven’t found a sponsor, they are clearly brimming with that indomitable British spirit:

I’m sorry, what? Where is this “optimism around cycling” he’s talking about? Maybe he read in the news about how we elected a former stage race promoter to be our president and figured this was his big chance:

Alas, someone should probably break the news to Taylor that his enthusiasm for cycling appears to have waned considerably in the ensuing years.

No, the last time I can remember “optimism around cycling” in this country was during the Lance Armstrong era:

But America has long since moved on, and like so many “bros” Armstrong and his former teammates now toil in podcasting and cannabis retail:

As for that Bike Snob guy, he’s still hacking away at that stupid blog.

Then of course there was 2020 when, in a fit of desperation, everyone in America suddenly wanted a bicycle. Smuggies thought we were finally on the cusp of a bike-centric future in which the velocipede would topple the automobile once and for all, but then the bubble burst like a fart in a bathtub, and today its only legacy is a big tax write-off:

See, the market “shifted rapidly,” and when that happens you drop your chain:

And yes, I looked at the presentation and nodded knowingly despite not knowing what the hell any of it means:

But they do, and they’re the ones writing it off:

Hey, I may be a financial idiot, but at least I had the foresight last year to go long on master link futures:

I was also smart enough never to get into the overheated Gravel Bike market in the first place, which is a good thing because Bicycling says you shouldn’t even buy one now: