I spend a lot of time on this web presence whining about what’s happening to bicycles: the plastic; the batteries; the relentless gravelization. But what about the bicycle media? Well…
Believe it or not, I’m not a technophobe. Sure, I don’t care for disc brakes and wireless derailleurs on my bicycles, but I use cellular telephones and portable computing devices and electronic books and all the rest of it, and apart from social media, which is unequivocally bad, I think this stuff has improved our lives tremendously.
I’m not even freaked out about AI. Sure, I know some people think the computers will take over and make us their slaves, but I suspect that in retrospect our fears will seem quaint. For example, if you’re old enough, you may remember when Photoshop seemed like the end of the world. “How will we even know what’s real!?!” But who the hell worries about Photoshop now? It’s just another program, like MS Paint. The fact is we had no idea what was real or not even before Photoshop (I mean they totally faked the moon landing, John F. Kennedy’s assassination, and Elvis’s death without it, right?), so making it a little easier to take the zits off a fashion model didn’t really make much of a difference. And if AI means I can get a quick answer to a simple question from customer service instead of waiting on hold for 20 minutes, I say bring it on.
The above notwithstanding, this sounds horrendous:
A typical workflow for Stuart, as the solo editor of Velora Cycling, might start with an idea selected from the system’s identified trends. He can then feed the concept into the system’s features pipeline, which fleshes it out with background research and source validation, a process he said he and Bellion have fine-tuned to be in line with the desired output.
So the system identifies the trends, then writes about the trends, and those articles become sources for more articles about trends? Wouldn’t this result in some endlessly self-perpetuating trend feedback loop that has no basis whatsoever in reality?
Oh, wait, never mind, that’s been happening since like 1989.
In any case, this AI-powered cycling site is already up and running, so I went and checked it out, and so far it’s not so much horrifyingly dystopian as it is obscenely boring:
On one hand, you read more and more about AI-driven psychosis and suicide, and on the other hand you’ve got the exquisitely soporific “The best bike floor pumps in 2025.” Will AI’s influence on society be devastating or merely stultifying? I guess we’ll have to wait to find out…if we can keep ourselves awake.
Speaking of bikes and tech, wireless braking is now inevitable:
Sure, like AI it may sound scary, but there’s a safety switch, and I cannot wait to see Fred drift off the back of the pack and glide slowly to a stop because he forgot to charge his brakes. Hopefully he’s got a PNS jersey pocket full of extra batteries, or else he’s calling his wife to come get him.
I will confess I do like the idea of not having to deal with fluids and bleeding if I need to make a change to my bicycle:
But then I remember I don’t have to deal with fluids and bleeding on any of my bicycles now because they all use mechanical brakes.
Whew!
But what I really want to know is whether “The Cycling Week” is a real website, or if it’s just AI? I’ve never heard of it before, and here’s all they have to say about themselves:
That sure sounds fake, so I went in for a closer look:
Certainly the pictures in the article appear to be AI-generated:
It’s not bad as these things go, and no doubt every Cervélo owner has an exchange like the one above on a weekly basis:
Him: “What? Stay home with you? I need to ride every day, I need to maintain my fitness!”
Her: “Fitness for what? You suck!”
Since this blogging platform also has an AI image generator I figured I’d see how it compares, so I told it to create one for an “overzealous cycling dork getting shit from his disappointed wife.” Here is the result:
It really upped the ante by including the mother-in-law.
As for the story itself, AI generated or not, it was certainly intriguing:
The couple met in Chicago and married in 2007. At first, his fitness habits were moderate mostly commuting by bike. But early signs of imbalance appeared while they were dating.
On a visit to Katrina in Australia, he spent a significant amount just to transport his bike on the plane.
A turning point came during a cycling holiday in the UK. Katrina, hoping to share in his passion, imagined they could ride together to Land’s End.
The reality was harsher: her husband’s competitive drive pushed him far ahead, often leaving her to ride alone.
It may seem stupid to fly all the way to Australia with a bike when you can just rent one, but it’s actually pretty shrewd on Fred’s part, since after two or three more flights he’ll have made a strong case for a custom bike with S&S couplers:
That’s the AI’s take on “overzealous cycling dork trying to convince his wife he needs a custom travel bike by showing her many spreadsheets and pie charts.” Hey, this is easy! Maybe that Velora guy is onto something. Hopefully one day I can turn this whole blog over to the AI so I can sit back all day and collect my UBI.
Meanwhile, back to the story, which takes an unexpected turn:
Katrina attended to support him but felt bored and disconnected, her presence largely unnoticed.
The hobby had morphed into an obsession, dictating schedules, eclipsing shared time, and eroding intimacy.
Attempts to join in, including buying a tandem bike, failed he found the slower pace frustrating, leaving the bike unused and symbolic of their growing divide.
Even spinning classes reinforced the pattern.
Befriending another male cyclist, he immersed himself further, normalizing his obsessive behavior.
Eroding intimacy? Befriending another male cyclist? I think something else is going on here.
In any case, the couple separated in 2012, and the date on this story is November 26th, 2025. Also, that disc brake story has been kicking around for like a year or something, so presumably the AI that generates “The Cycling Week” still needs to be trained not to regurgitate stories that are more than a week old:
The couple separated in 2012, though they continued living together briefly due to London’s high cost of living.
As for Fred, not only did he finally learn how to embrace his true self, but he eventually won the yellow jersey, so who’s laughing now?
Finally, does Pas Normal cycling clothing not have enough PNS for you? Well, now there’s TRS PNS!
Not only does it have triple the PNS, but they also make running shorts:
I’m assuming all this clothing is designed by AI.