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Stripped down, soccer is wonderfully uncomplicated. The ball crosses the line? Goal. It doesn\u2019t matter if it bounces off your shin, stomach, forehead, backside, or rockets into the top corner from 30 yards out \u2014 they all count exactly the same on the scoresheet.<\/p>\n The Utah Royals<\/a> certainly weren\u2019t concerned with how<\/em> their five goals found the net in Sunday\u2019s commanding 5-1 victory over the Portland Thorns<\/a>. They were just happy they kept finding them.<\/p>\n But where\u2019s the fun in treating every goal equally?<\/p>\n For this article only, we\u2019re throwing objectivity out the window and ranking all six goals from the match using a completely made-up formula. The criteria? A combination of style, entertainment value, vibes, and the all-important question: \u201cWould I immediately text this clip to my friends?\u201d<\/p>\n The rankings run from No. 6 (a perfectly good goal that simply got stuck in a crowded field) to No. 1 (the winner of the imaginary Goal of the Match<\/em> trophy).<\/p>\n \ud83c\udfc6 Most Polite Way to Score Your Fifth Goal Award<\/em><\/p>\n Utah\u2019s corner routine was executed to perfection, and Kate Del Fava found herself with a free header that she made no mistake putting away. By the 89th minute, the match was already well out of reach, and the finish felt like the perfect final touch on Utah\u2019s dominant afternoon.<\/p>\n Not the goal you send to the group chat, but a perfectly executed set piece still deserves some love.<\/p>\n \ud83c\udfc6 The Least Rushed Person in Utah Award<\/em><\/p>\n After an unsuccessful interception attempt from Portland, Brecken Mozingo had so much time and space in the box that she probably could\u2019ve stopped to answer a phone call before shooting.<\/p>\n Mozingo\u2019s composed finish into the side netting left Portland keeper Mackenzie Arnold with no chance. It won\u2019t win any awards for showiness, but sometimes the smartest play is the simplest one.<\/p>\n This one felt like the moment the Royals fully realized Portland had no answers.<\/p>\n \ud83c\udfc6 Best Goal if You\u2019re a Portland Fan Who Only Planned to Watch 34 Seconds Award<\/em><\/p>\n It takes something special to score 34 seconds into a match and immediately ruin the home crowd\u2019s mood before half of the fans have even found their seats.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, Sophia Wilson\u2019s opener on Sunday came with one major catch: it was the opening act in a game Portland eventually lost 5-1. A dream start quickly became a footnote.<\/p>\n \ud83c\udfc6 Biggest Momentum Shift Award<\/em><\/p>\n Cece Delzer\u2019s first-half equalizer deserves credit for changing the trajectory of the afternoon.<\/p>\n Delzer timed her run to perfection, delaying just long enough to stay onside. She then lifted Kiana Palacios\u2019 perfectly weighted through ball over Arnold for the composed finish. <\/p>\n Narrative points matter around here, and \u201cfirst goal that sparks a five-goal outburst\u201d is a pretty compelling story.\u00a0<\/p>\n \ud83c\udfc6 Best Supporting Cast Award (ft. Clo\u00e9 Lacasse)<\/em><\/p>\n Sometimes the assist deserves a little time in the spotlight too.<\/p>\n Clo\u00e9 Lacasse provided exactly that with a perfectly weighted cross into the box, one of her three assists on the night. <\/p>\n Delzer still had work to do, calmly guiding home a left-footed finish for her brace. A first-time volley with her non-dominant foot? No problem. Add in the celebratory dance afterward, and this one checks every box.<\/p>\n \ud83c\udfc6 Most Stylish Finish Award (aka the \u2018Backheels Are Worth Double\u2019 Award)<\/em><\/p>\n Backheels automatically earn bonus points around here.<\/p>\n Palacios\u2019 clever flick was the kind of finish that makes you rewind just to make sure you saw it correctly. There\u2019s a certain confidence required to try a backheel in front of goal\u2014and even more to pull it off. Style points? Plenty.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re sending one clip from this match to someone who missed it, this is the one.<\/p>\n And that\u2019s the ranking! Five goals, three points, and one of the club\u2019s most emphatic performances of the season is a pretty good day\u2019s work for Utah.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tPhoto Copyright Rob Gray-Imagn Images<\/span><\/p>\n
\n6) Kate Del Fava\u2019s header (89\u2019 | UTA 5, POR 1)<\/h2>\n
5) Brecken Mozingo\u2019s tally (68\u2019 | UTA 3, POR 1)<\/h2>\n
4) Sophia Wilson\u2019s opener (1\u2019 | UTA 0, POR 1)<\/h2>\n
3) Cece Delzer\u2019s equalizer (35\u2019 | UTA 1, POR 1)<\/h2>\n
2) Cece Delzer\u2019s second (47\u2019 | UTA 2, POR 1)<\/h2>\n
1) Kiana Palacios\u2019 backheel (79\u2019 | UTA 4, POR 1)<\/h2>\n
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