{"id":261101,"date":"2026-09-04T13:30:22","date_gmt":"2026-09-04T13:30:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/2026\/09\/04\/its-my-cloud-and-ill-yell-at-it-if-i-want-to\/"},"modified":"2026-09-04T13:30:22","modified_gmt":"2026-09-04T13:30:22","slug":"its-my-cloud-and-ill-yell-at-it-if-i-want-to","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/2026\/09\/04\/its-my-cloud-and-ill-yell-at-it-if-i-want-to\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s My Cloud And I\u2019ll Yell At It If I Want To"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Hey! While I was away on vacation there was a custom bike show! Let\u2019s take a look at what I missed!<\/p>\n

Oh, never mind<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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Sorry, I don\u2019t want to see 32-inch bikes, I don\u2019t want to see drop bar mountain bikes, and I definitely<\/em> don\u2019t want to see 32-inch drop bar mountain bikes, the Official Fad Machine of 2026. So I\u2019ll be sticking my fingers in my ears, closing my eyes, and going LALALALALALA until it all goes away\u2013though nothing really ever goes away, does it? It just lies dormant for awhile until someone brings it back with a new name. Remember before gravel was invented and these sorts of things used to be called \u201cmonster cross\u201d bikes? Whatever happened to that?<\/p>\n

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\"Older
[This image of an old man yelling at a cloud is proudly 100% AI-generated and unsustainably sourced from the data center on top of where you used to ride your monster cross bike.]<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

So in order to avoid any more trendy content I headed over to the terminally uncool \u201cBicycling<\/a>\u201d site, where I was unable to read anything because I don\u2019t have a subscription, though I didn\u2019t really need one since I already know everything.<\/p>\n

To wit:<\/p>\n

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No.<\/p>\n

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No. Unless you have a crank you want to use and it\u2019s a different length from the one you\u2019re already using. Then yes.<\/p>\n

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Because they won\u2019t let your fat ass use the drive-thru at McDonald\u2019s<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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McDonald\u2019s supports the health and environmental benefits of cycling, however it is our practice not to serve cyclists using the drive-thru lane or drive-thru service windows.<\/em><\/p>\n

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The use of the word \u201chowever\u201d is strange here, since incompatibility with fast food drive-thrus is in fact the primary health benefit of cycling.<\/p>\n

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Hey, I\u2019ll do you one better (or I suppose two better), because here are the top three tire pressure mistakes to avoid:<\/p>\n

3. Using too much air<\/em><\/p>\n

2. Using too little air<\/em><\/p>\n

1. Using no air at all<\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d also have accepted using liquid nitrogen instead of nitrogen gas.<\/p>\n

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Too easy.<\/p>\n

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Pedal faster, asshole.<\/p>\n

Oh well, having evolved fully into an old man who yells at clouds, it\u2019s clear to me that what\u2019s old is new again and that all the cycling articles have already been written (in most cases many, many times over), which is why I\u2019m now getting all my bike-related advice from Vogue<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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Don\u2019t wear a helmet?<\/p>\n

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Choose hats carefully<\/em><\/h2>\n

Although I generally ride quite slowly, or \u201clike a pensioner,\u201d as my partner would say, having to catch a\u00a0hat<\/a>\u00a0as it flies away is inevitable. So if I really want to finish off an outfit with something on my head, I prefer options I can somehow keep under control. A baseball cap held in place by a ponytail or a securely tied scarf are my favourites. As a general rule, avoid wearing anything the wind could play havoc with.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Don\u2019t wear synthetics?<\/p>\n

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Avoid polyester and other synthetic fabrics that do not \u201cbreathe\u201d<\/em><\/h2>\n

Even if they meet all the criteria above in terms of cut and length, try to avoid polyester during the summer months. The effects of cycling will undo all your efforts to arrive somewhere looking polished and stylish. Breathable natural fabrics will help you stay fresh. Just in case, I never cycle anywhere without deodorant. If my destination is the office, there is often a spare T-shirt in my bag too.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Wear whatever the hell you want on your feet?<\/p>\n

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And finally, shoes!<\/em><\/h2>\n

One thing that has always made choosing an outfit easier is that I have never really given too much thought to shoes, at least not in relation to cycling. Although it is obviously easiest to ride a bike in sneakers, this wonderful mode of transport can accommodate virtually anything you choose to wear on your feet. Boots, loafers, pumps, anything goes, which is a fairly good guarantee that you will ultimately be able to elevate an outfit you had to adapt for practical reasons. And yes, before I forget, simply get a basket for your bag! It is a lifesaver for carrying anything that might otherwise get in your way while cycling, and it also happens to look chic.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Wow, I was skeptical going in, but this is unironically better than anything you\u2019ll read in any mainstream cycling publication. Who\u2019d have thought one would have to turn to the world of high fashion in order to find refreshing pragmatism? Hey, Anna Wintour couldn\u2019t get that John Galliano thing off the ground<\/a>, but maybe she can f\u00eate Grante Petersen at the Met instead. <\/p>\n

Anyway, soon you won\u2019t have any choice but to ride in sneakers and a t-shirt, because at this rate it\u2019s only a matter of time before you\u2019re priced out of gravel<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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Wait, I thought \u201cMAMIL\u201d stood for \u201cMiddle-Aged Man In Lycra.\u201d Isn\u2019t this a \u201cYoung Woman In Lycra,\u201d or \u201cYWIL?\u201d<\/p>\n

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Regardless, if you\u2019re looking for the perfect bike to bring with you on your superyacht, choose the Factor Elara:<\/p>\n

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The above was all silly enough, but what follows is one of the dumbest things ever written about a bike:<\/p>\n

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As you press hard into the cranks, you\u2019ll immediately notice a solidity to the bottom bracket area. It\u2019s massively oversized, creating a rigid shell with the unflexing resoluteness of a carbon-fibre box girder.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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Wait, if your crank is properly attached to your bicycle you\u2019ll immediately notice a solidity while pedaling it? <\/p>\n

Incredible.<\/p>\n

Anyway, once your bike is on board you\u2019ll want to immediately have your crew set a course for some status gravel:<\/p>\n

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All of the trips they describe sound lovely, but I\u2019d have go with this one:<\/p>\n

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According to Mia Liefeld, the director of marketing at DuVine, what singles out its luxury experiences are the combination of premium bikes from Colnago and BMC, its carefully selected luxury accommodations and its unique focus on wine and dining. Its finest gravel trips include options like the\u00a0Colnago Tuscany\u00a0tour, which takes in Italy\u2019s famous\u00a0strade bianche\u00a0(white roads) and starts at about $10,000 per person. Its\u00a0private villa portfolio\u00a0spans Provence to California to Tuscany, and custom itineraries can also be built around this.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Though I wonder if I could work out a deal with this operation to lead a tour:<\/p>\n

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Founded by Cari Gray, this is the pinnacle of custom (not just cycling) travel, and may necessitate a redefinition of words like \u201cbespoke\u201d and \u201cluxury\u201d. There is no \u201cclassic\u201d trip, Gray says: \u201cWe do things all over the\u00a0world.\u201d Everything is created from scratch by a huge team of experts and logicians. Routes are prepped and mapped weeks in advance, and a \u201cpre-arrival team\u201d may be on the ground for up to two weeks before guests arrive to drive, walk and cycle every inch of the route and check in with every restaurant, hotel and villa. They arrive with a small army of support vehicles from SUVs to bike trucks. Pros and Olympians are flown in, chefs are shuttled around. There\u2019s a cycling team (including mechanics and even paramedics if necessary), as well as a ground team co-ordinating everything off-bike. \u201cEvery trip is a huge production behind the scenes,\u201d Gray says.<\/em><\/p>\n

It costs what it costs, there\u2019s no price list, this is simply zenith level travel planning\/organisation for adventure-seeking billionaires.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Why be the millionth person to ride the Strade Bianche<\/em> and then quaff wine when you can moor your yacht in the Hudson, come to the Bronx, and then ride with me on the finest gravel Yonkers has to offer?<\/p>\n

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I\u2019ll even lend you one of my Rivendae so you can leave that ugly-ass Facctor back on the boat.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Source link <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hey! While I was away on vacation there was a custom bike show! Let\u2019s take a look at what I missed! Oh, never mind: Sorry, I don\u2019t want to see 32-inch bikes, I don\u2019t want to see drop bar mountain bikes, and I definitely don\u2019t want to see 32-inch drop bar mountain bikes, the Official […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":261102,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6804],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-261101","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-cycling"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261101","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=261101"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261101\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/261102"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=261101"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=261101"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sports.runfyers.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=261101"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}