Further to yesterday\u2019s post<\/a>, in which I singlehandedly came up with the brilliant idea of a celebratory ride for not-quite-vintage bicycles, there\u2019s clearly lots of interest in Meh-roica, so even though I\u2019m never, ever going to organize it let\u2019s just pretend I am:<\/p>\n Speaking of pretending, the above flyer is obviously 100% AI-generated, which cost at least seventeen people their jobs. Also, almost all the text on it is completely AI-generated, and pretty much all I fed the beast was the name of the ride, the date range for the bikes, and the fact that I am the world\u2019s greatest bicycle blogger. (Go ahead, tell me I\u2019m not and name one person who\u2019s better, I\u2019ll wait.) It did decide to allow downtube shifters, which is a mistake (Meh-roica will not<\/em> allow them), and it also mentions something called a \u201cQuill specialisic stem,\u201d which is clearly the AI equivalent of a brain fart. And there\u2019s absolutely no way I\u2019d organize a ride starting Brooklyn<\/em> of all places, since I left that deeply annoying borough in 2012 and haven\u2019t looked back. Well, apart from the fact that I commute to an office there twice a week. <\/p>\n Still, it\u2019s both scary and amazing that it went ahead and came up with a route, and even a URL. By this time next year with the same amount of effort on my part (which is to say zero) it will go ahead and register that URL, generate a route you can download to your GPS, set up a registration page, create branded ride \u201cmerch\u201d (caps, water bottles, jerseys\u2026), and deposit the fees and revenue directly into my bank account.<\/p>\n But the AI will still neglect to insure the ride, and so the event will end in disaster when someone on a Team ONCE Giant TCR crashes Beloki-style, ruptures his spleen, and sues me into oblivion.<\/p>\n Okay, so forget handing the reins to AI (for now). I\u2019ll just keep pretending to be in charge. Anyway, I did see some discussion in the comments yesterday regarding potential sponsors, and I\u2019m proud to announce I\u2019ve pretended to secure one. Nicotine pouches are all the rage with the Meh-roica demographic (that being middle-aged bros who are only just now being forced to come to terms with their diminishing faculties and are desperate to at least slow the decline), but unfortunately you need to be a stand-up comedian with a podcast to get money from those companies, so the best I could manage was $50 from CVS to plug their nicotine gum:<\/p>\n The label says it\u2019s for people who smoke their first cigarette within 30 minutes of waking up, and while this is ostensibly a substitute for that, I\u2019d imagine if you double the recommended dose as soon as you wake up and have that morning cigarette on top of it you\u2019ll be razor sharp at least until it\u2019s time to leave for work. (Unless AI has taken your job, in which case you might as well chase it all with a shot of whiskey.)<\/p>\n There was also some discussion of what will and won\u2019t be allowed equipment-wise, so here\u2019s a brief FAQ:<\/p>\n Do I have to wear a helmet?<\/strong><\/p>\n No.<\/em><\/p>\n Am I allowed to wear a helmet?<\/strong><\/p>\n Yes.<\/em><\/p>\n A commenter mentioned Mavic Mektronic. This falls within the date range. Can I use it?<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019m sorry, but no. I actually thought a lot about this, but I\u2019ve decided it\u2019s best to completely exclude all electronic drivetrains, regardless of vintage. Also, I\u2019m thinking of organizing a Failed Technology \u2018Roica ride at some point in the future, so allowing Mektronic here could potentially cut into my profit margin.<\/em><\/p>\n Are compact cranks allowed?<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019m sorry, but no. I actually thought a lot about this, but I\u2019ve decided it\u2019s best to exclude them, even though compacts became popular during this time. So 130- and 135-BCD cranks only. What is my reasoning? Looks, mostly. If you need lower gearing you are free to use a triple, though it must be one of those 130- or 135-BCD triples that only got you about as low as a compact crank does. Hey, sorry, what do you want from me? I don\u2019t make the rules. Wait, actually I do, so screw you.<\/em><\/p>\n What about a single-ring drivetrain?<\/strong><\/p>\n ABSOLUTELY NOT. Show up on that and it\u2019s a lifetime ban\u2026unless it\u2019s a cyclocross bike. You may ride Meh-roica on a cyclocross bike, and it may have a single ring drivetrain, just as long as there are no clutch derailleurs or narrow-wide chainrings or any other post-aughts <\/em>mishigas.<\/em> Toughen up and use a chain catcher and a bash guard for chrissakes.<\/em> Or just learn how to shift.<\/em><\/p>\n I took your advice and chewed two pieces of CVS nicotine gum while smoking my morning cigarette. Now I\u2019m having heart palpitations and diarrhea. Can I sue you?<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019m sorry, but no. I actually thought a lot about this, and your gripe is with CVS. Or, just knock back that whiskey. That should at least mellow you out.<\/em><\/p>\n I think this should about cover it, but feel free to raise any remaining questions.<\/p>\n Speaking of yesterday\u2019s post, I also mentioned that my Brooks blog posts had disappeared, and a commenter (or two commenters?) were kind enough to resurrect one for me<\/a> via the Wayback Machine<\/a>. Thank you! I had actually been looking for exactly this post not too long ago, and forgot it was on the Brooks blog and not my own. Anyway, I\u2019m going to cut-and-paste the whole post below, typos and dead links and all. Also, I found the following quote particularly delectable, since here we are ten years later:<\/p>\n This would supposedly be the first-ever fat bike race in New York City and I wanted to be part of a historical footnote so in ten years I could say \u201cI was there!\u201d to people who couldn\u2019t care less;<\/em><\/p>\n So how\u2019s that for timeliness? Here I am now saying \u201cI was there!\u201d<\/p>\n Anyway, the post is below. Ride safe and enjoy the weekend, but maybe also take some time to reflect given today\u2019s date and consider that you\u2019re lucky to be reading this. (Well not lucky to read this blog specifically<\/em>, because what you\u2019re reading is crap. In fact you should be ashamed of yourself for squandering your time like this. I\u2019m just saying be grateful, that\u2019s all.)<\/p>\n Thanks for reading,<\/p>\n \u2013Tan Tenovo<\/p>\n 2 Feb 2016<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0|\u00a0\u00a0Posted by\u00a0Bike Snob NYC<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0|\u00a0\u00a0Categories:\u00a0Bicycles<\/a>,\u00a0Events<\/a>,\u00a0Friends<\/a>,\u00a0Monthly highlights<\/a>,\u00a0Sports Cycling<\/a>,\u00a0Travel & Adventure Cycling<\/a>,\u00a0Urban Cycling<\/a><\/p>\n New York City. \u00a0The Capital of the World. \u00a0A great financial and cultural dynamo hub illuminating the rest of America and beyond. \u00a0Birthplace of the skyscraper, hip hip, and the \u201cNew York minute,\u201d which is just a regular minute with extra cheese.<\/p>\n When it comes to cycling, however, one could argue our heyday is well behind us. \u00a0Madison Square Garden was a Mecca of six-day racing\u2026like a hundred years ago<\/a>. \u00a0New York City\u2019s bike messengers were once iconic\u2026though the style\u2019s been appropriated worldwide, and \u201cQuicksilver\u201d to \u201cPremium Rush\u201d represents a precipitous decline. \u00a0Alas, we used to set the pace, but now it comes to \u201cbike culture\u201d we\u2019re playing catch-up.<\/p>\n Consider the whole fat bike thing. \u00a0They\u2019ve been riding fat bikes for years out there in \u201cFargo\u201d country, but New York City\u2019s first-ever fat bike race wasn\u2019t until January 23rd, 2016 in Cunningham Park, Queens:<\/p>\n And even then,\u00a0it was cancelled due to\u2026snow<\/a>:<\/p>\n I know what you\u2019re thinking: \u201cIsn\u2019t canceling a fat bike race due to snow like canceling an alleycat due to weed?\u201d \u00a0Well, sure, but this was no ordinary snowstorm. \u00a0This was Winter Storm Jonas:<\/p>\n And unlike previous overhyped storms this one delivered. \u00a0In fact by the day of the race it was snowing so ferociously that the governor had declared a travel ban, which meant even if they hadn\u2019t canceled the race you would have gotten arrested for trying to get there.<\/p>\n So instead the organizers,\u00a0718 Cyclery<\/a>, rescheduled the race for the following weekend, and I resolved to partake for the following reasons:<\/p>\n 1) I\u2019m very fond of Cunningham Park;<\/p>\n 2) This would supposedly be the first-ever fat bike race in New York City and I wanted to be part of a historical footnote so in ten years I could say \u201cI was there!\u201d to people who couldn\u2019t care less;<\/p>\n 3) I\u2019m currently \u201ctesting\u201d a bike called the\u00a0Marin Pine Mountain 1<\/a>, which while not a full-on fat bike is certainly fat-ish, so as a semi-professional bike blogger I\u2019d be remiss if I didn\u2019t try it in a fat-biking application.<\/p>\n So I signed up.<\/p>\n As I mentioned, Cunningham Park is in Queens. \u00a0Specifically, it\u2019s in eastern Queens, where the city bleeds out into Long Island. \u00a0Cleft in twain by the Clearview Expressway and packed with singletrack,\u00a0it looks like a pair of lungs<\/a>:<\/p>\n The trails are maintained by\u00a0C.L.I.M.B.<\/a>, who have done an amazing job within the confines of a city park. \u00a0While there\u2019s nothing to overwhelm the rider looking to do battle with forbidding terrain it more than lives up to its billing as a place where everyone from novices to experts can fully enjoy themselves\u2013and the fact that you\u2019re still within the New York City limits makes it even sweeter.<\/p>\n On the morning of the race I had three options for getting from my home to Cunningham:<\/p>\n 1) A 20-plus mile three-borough slog on three-inch knobby tires through the densest parts of the city and the worst of Queens\u2019s eastern sprawl that would take me a good three hours;<\/p>\n 2) Schlepping an almost-fat bike onto public transit;<\/p>\n 3) Taking the car.<\/p>\n The first option was the heroic one, the second option was in keeping with the novelty of a fat bike race within the five boroughs, and the third option was just a cop-out.<\/p>\n I went with Option 3:<\/p>\n (Gas: so cheap right now!)<\/p>\n When I lived in Brooklyn I rode at Cunningham all the time, but now that I have to cross a bridge to get there I instead tend to seek out the more convenient (to me) and abundant mountain bike trails north of the city. \u00a0However, I remain extremely fond of it, and it was good to be back after a longish absence:<\/p>\n I\u2019d gotten there early and there weren\u2019t very many riders there yet, but I could see the registration table beyond the trailhead, and so I trudged towards it:<\/p>\n Then, clutching my race number, I trudged back to my car and civilization (to the extent suburban Queens qualifies as \u201ccivilization\u201d), where the food truck was fueling up for a long day of feeding hungry fat bikers:<\/p>\n And where someone rolled up on some kind of e-bike:<\/p>\n Which was towing a fat bike on a trailer, along with a folding card table and what may have been the kitchen sink:<\/p>\n The sheer smugness of it all was breathtaking, and I obscured my face with my number as I slinked back to my fossil fuel burner in which I\u2019d driven to the bike race alone.<\/p>\n Once I\u2019d hoisted my bike from the roof rack and completed my pre-race ablutions I headed back into the park for a quick pre-ride:<\/p>\n I\u2019d registered in the \u201cadvanced\u201d category\u2013not because I consider myself advanced, but because it was the first race of the day and I liked the idea of being the last-placed finisher in the first field of the first-ever fat bike race in New York City.<\/p>\n It seemed like a pretty attainable distinction.<\/p>\n This was the advanced course:<\/p>\n Which, as it turned out, the organizers had since halved owing to all that snow. \u00a0See, the western lung of the park is the \u201ctechnical\u201d side, whereas the east lung is the \u201ceasy\u201d side. \u00a0(Pssst: they\u2019re both easy.) \u00a0We\u2019d be doing the whole race on the easy side, so I figured a lap would take all of ten minutes\u2013until I started riding:<\/p>\n You\u2019d be forgiven for assuming that fat bikes simply let you ride effortlessly through snow, but you\u2019d also be wrong. \u00a0See, in order to ride a fat bike on snow the trail still needs to be \u201cgroomed\u201d by means of a snowmobile or snowshoes or something that can pack down all that snow and make it firm and rideable\u2013and while humans had trudged through in order to tape off sections of the course, it would be a considerable stretch to call this \u201cgroomed:\u201d<\/p>\n What it was was a slog, and with all the starting and stopping my quick little pre-ride ended up taking me like a half hour, which meant that by the time I got back to the starting area there were a lot more people and the race was starting in like five minutes:<\/p>\n There was also the latest in carbon Fat Bike Fred technology on display:<\/p>\n As well as foot retention (or lack thereof) and sundry other products and components:<\/p>\n Alas, there was nothing from Brooks, but that\u2019s only because they\u2019re biding their time before entering this burgeoning market. \u00a0See, the Brooks fat bike line needs to reflect the company\u2019s proud heritage, which means everything needs to be made of leather\u2013but in order to do that they first need fatter cows.<\/p>\n Once the herd is large enough you can expect to see lots of exciting new fat bike-specific Brooks products, and they\u2019ve even authorized me to share this spy photo of a prototype saddle:<\/p>\n (The B17 Fat)<\/p>\n I realize it doesn\u2019t look particularly elegant, but that\u2019s only because it hasn\u2019t been chamfered yet.<\/p>\n And of course there were lots and lots of fat bikes:<\/p>\n Which made the \u201cplus\u201d-sized tires on my own bike seem diminutive in comparison:<\/p>\n Indeed, between my unanticipatedly \u201cepic\u201d pre-ride and my \u201cskinny\u201d tires I was already feeling profoundly inadequate, and now the pre-race chatter wasn\u2019t helping. \u00a0See, at any off-road bicycle race the conversation at the start line always centers around the question of #whatpressureyourunning. \u00a0Sometimes it\u2019s sincere, as in: \u201cWhat pressure are you running? \u00a0I haven\u2019t pre-ridden yet and would appreciate your advice.\u201d Other times it\u2019s an attempt to psych you out by making you feel underprepared, like when you answer and they say: \u201cReally, isn\u2019t that a little high? \u00a0I took a soil sample and decided to air down.\u201d \u00a0And still other times it can be downright confrontational, as in: \u201c58psi?!? \u00a0Are you insane?!? \u00a0You\u2019re gonna die out there, bro!\u201d<\/p>\n At the fat bike race however the conversation was downright surreal, since it was basically a contest to see who was running the lowest pressure. \u00a0\u201dI\u2019m at 5psi.\u201d \u00a0\u201dWell, I\u2019m at 3.\u201d \u00a0\u201dOh yeah? \u00a0I\u2019m actually running negative pressure, and my tire is a vacuum:\u201d<\/p>\n As for me, I honestly had no idea what pressure I was running, but I was fairly certain that as soon as they found my frozen corpse they\u2019d check and use it as my epitaph:<\/p>\n Once everyone had established #whatpressureyourunning to some degree of satisfaction, we left our bikes lying in the snow and a person with a megaphone marched us into the woods for the Le Mans start:<\/p>\n The march seemed interminable. \u00a0When we finally stopped we were a good two hundred yards from the nearest split-level ranch, and it occurred to me that maybe this whole fat bike race thing was a trap and they were going to shoot us:<\/p>\n \u201cThis fat bike thing ends here!\u201d would be the last thing we heard.<\/p>\n But instead they ordered us to run, which we did, for our very lives:<\/p>\n I remained at the back, and once we got to the bikes I made sure everyone entered the singletrack before me:<\/p>\n This was carefully planned on my part. \u00a0For one thing, as I mentioned earlier, my goal was to finish last. \u00a0For another, we were doing two laps, and I figured if I let everyone go ahead of me on their fat bikes they\u2019d pack the snow down for me. \u00a0This way, should I decide to stop concealing my cycling greatness, it would give me the option of abandoning \u201cOperation DFL\u201d on the second lap and making my move.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, the plan backfired. \u00a0See, instead of packing the trail down for me, what happened was when the people ahead of me were forced to dismount they just left more of a mess for me to deal with:<\/p>\n It was like being the last person at the all-you-can-eat buffet.<\/p>\n I was also wearing stupid shoes for riding in the snow:<\/p>\n I\u2019d briefly considered switching to platforms and hiking boots before the race, but naively assumed that even with the snow I\u2019d have no reason to dismount in a park as tame as Cunningham, so I didn\u2019t bother. \u00a0However, what ended up happening was that whenever I hit a bunch of powder and was forced to clip out, my foot would plunge into a foot of snow which would then actually open the Velcro straps of my shoe on the way down:<\/p>\n And to top it all off I didn\u2019t even finish last, because somehow at some point I still managed to pass somebody despite my incompetence. \u00a0This meant that instead of finishing DFL I would up finishing DFP, or \u201cDead F-ing Penultimate,\u201d which carries absolutely no bragging rights of any kind, sincere\u00a0or<\/em>\u00a0ironic.<\/p>\n Anyway, it took me long enough to finish that by the time I rolled in they were getting ready to announce the first three finishers:<\/p>\n And here they are:<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know if there were any doping controls, but I did see someone in a blazer walking around the area scooping up yellow snow and putting it in a cooler.<\/p>\n After the race I was curious to know if I\u2019d have fared any better on a true fat bike, so I borrowed this Salsa Mukluk and headed out for another lap:<\/p>\n I had a lot more traction which meant I was able to easily ride some spots I\u2019d been forced to walk, and on the packed-in sections like this one I felt like I was riding on tires with suction cups:<\/p>\n All of which is to say I probably wouldn\u2019t have finished any faster, but I might have finished with warmer feet.<\/p>\n Then I visited the food truck:<\/p>\n After which I crouched down like a real photographer:<\/p>\n And took some race photos:<\/p>\n Of course this was a fat bike race so the speeds weren\u2019t much higher than the tire pressures, but there was a dramatic moment when someone burped a tire right off the rim and it was oozing sealant:<\/p>\n Plus at any moment I was liable to get crushed by a fat bike:<\/p>\n \u201cWhat pressure you running?,\u201d I asked as it rolled over my face.<\/p>\n 19\u00a0COMMENTS<\/a>\u00a0![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bikesnobnyc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/fin.gif?resize=356%2C200&ssl=1\")
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\nGuest Blogger Bike Snob NYC battles the snow<\/h3>\n
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\n19 Comments<\/h3>\n
\n
Posted 2:31 pm
2 Feb 2016
A great day and an even better race report!Joe, 718 Cyclery
http:\/\/www.718c.com<\/a><\/li>\n
Posted 2:34 pm
2 Feb 2016
Snob;You save all your good photos for this blog.<\/li>\n
Posted 2:55 pm
2 Feb 2016
Here\u2019s some more pics from that day. Great races.https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/brian.hoo.9\/media_set?set=a.1193506413994730.1073742153.100000061474339&type=3&pnref=story<\/a><\/li>\n
Posted 3:08 pm
2 Feb 2016
Nice recap! I think I spit my coffee out at the bait and switch, death march masquerading as a fat bike race.A bit disconcerting to see that tire off the rim. That\u2019s the one I rode in the Advanced Women\u2019s category (someone\u2019s idea of a cruel joke). However, hiking boots and flat pedals ruled the day for me.As an aside, my commuter is a 1995 Marin Pine Mountain. Was excited to see the more modern edition; love that bike.<\/li>\n
Posted 3:38 pm
2 Feb 2016
You had me at \u201cCapital of the World.\u201d<\/li>\n
Posted 3:50 pm
2 Feb 2016
Ted K. is on the no-fly list.<\/li>\n
Posted 4:22 pm
2 Feb 2016
What no artisan wood salad bowl helmets?!<\/li>\n
Posted 4:36 pm
2 Feb 2016
How did you ever come across that tombstonebuilder site?!<\/li>\n
Posted 4:50 pm
2 Feb 2016
DF-P is nothing to sneeze at\u2026wle<\/li>\n
Posted 5:19 pm
2 Feb 2016
Nice! Looks cold!<\/li>\n
Posted 5:52 pm
2 Feb 2016
Good race report, Snob. Next time: fat bike specific platform pedal boots.<\/li>\n
Posted 6:04 pm
2 Feb 2016
Those winners sure look Surly<\/li>\n
Posted 6:36 pm
2 Feb 2016
\u201cAll of which is to say I probably wouldn\u2019t have finished any faster, but I might have finished with warmer feet.\u201dThat\u2019s some wisdom right there.There is something to be said for cleaning more sections, even if it is at the expense of a walking pace on a bike.<\/li>\n
Posted 6:55 pm
2 Feb 2016
Too bad that snow was still so sugary. Might have been \u201cfun\u201d if it had hardened some.I assume the guy in jeans was the winner and by such a margin he was able to change into street clothes.I\u2019ve had the velcro peel-off problem before, and thought \u201cbooties would help\u201d. Nope. Unfortunately, the booties scoop up so much snow when pushing the bike, they stretch out into clown shoes. Platforms and a good pair of boots will suffice if there is any chance at needing to dismount.Congratulations on DFP, in the end, you\u2019ll accept that it was better than DFL.<\/li>\n
Posted 7:30 pm
2 Feb 2016
Hey! That is a REAL NY Post Cover! Not a BSNYC Photo Shop Job!Unbelievable\u2026.<\/li>\n
Posted 8:12 pm
2 Feb 2016
Dear BSNYC,Chicago is the birthplace of the skyscraper:https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Home_Insurance_Building<\/a><\/li>\n
Posted 8:27 pm
2 Feb 2016
Would you say Recumbabe barely finished?<\/li>\n
Posted 12:07 am
3 Feb 2016
Waitaminnit! Backup! NYC is the birthplace of \u201chip hip\u201d? Well then who invented \u201cHurray!\u201d<\/li>\n
Posted 2:58 am
3 Feb 2016
I prerode the course on a 27+ bike, and it was a nightmare. I grabbed my friends Beargrease for the actual race, and it was night and day. The plus bike wouldn\u2019t turn for crap, it would just plow the front end out. I was in your race, with the orange camo helmet. After I crossed the finish, I went to wheelie and immediately looped it and wrecked myself good. The helmet cam footage is hilarious.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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