Photo Copyright Rob Gray-Imagn Images
Stripped down, soccer is wonderfully uncomplicated. The ball crosses the line? Goal. It doesn’t matter if it bounces off your shin, stomach, forehead, backside, or rockets into the top corner from 30 yards out — they all count exactly the same on the scoresheet.
The Utah Royals certainly weren’t concerned with how their five goals found the net in Sunday’s commanding 5-1 victory over the Portland Thorns. They were just happy they kept finding them.
But where’s the fun in treating every goal equally?
For this article only, we’re throwing objectivity out the window and ranking all six goals from the match using a completely made-up formula. The criteria? A combination of style, entertainment value, vibes, and the all-important question: “Would I immediately text this clip to my friends?”
The rankings run from No. 6 (a perfectly good goal that simply got stuck in a crowded field) to No. 1 (the winner of the imaginary Goal of the Match trophy).
6) Kate Del Fava’s header (89’ | UTA 5, POR 1)
🏆 Most Polite Way to Score Your Fifth Goal Award
Utah’s corner routine was executed to perfection, and Kate Del Fava found herself with a free header that she made no mistake putting away. By the 89th minute, the match was already well out of reach, and the finish felt like the perfect final touch on Utah’s dominant afternoon.
Not the goal you send to the group chat, but a perfectly executed set piece still deserves some love.
5) Brecken Mozingo’s tally (68’ | UTA 3, POR 1)
🏆 The Least Rushed Person in Utah Award
After an unsuccessful interception attempt from Portland, Brecken Mozingo had so much time and space in the box that she probably could’ve stopped to answer a phone call before shooting.
Mozingo’s composed finish into the side netting left Portland keeper Mackenzie Arnold with no chance. It won’t win any awards for showiness, but sometimes the smartest play is the simplest one.
This one felt like the moment the Royals fully realized Portland had no answers.
4) Sophia Wilson’s opener (1’ | UTA 0, POR 1)
🏆 Best Goal if You’re a Portland Fan Who Only Planned to Watch 34 Seconds Award
It takes something special to score 34 seconds into a match and immediately ruin the home crowd’s mood before half of the fans have even found their seats.
Unfortunately, Sophia Wilson’s opener on Sunday came with one major catch: it was the opening act in a game Portland eventually lost 5-1. A dream start quickly became a footnote.
3) Cece Delzer’s equalizer (35’ | UTA 1, POR 1)
🏆 Biggest Momentum Shift Award
Cece Delzer’s first-half equalizer deserves credit for changing the trajectory of the afternoon.
Delzer timed her run to perfection, delaying just long enough to stay onside. She then lifted Kiana Palacios’ perfectly weighted through ball over Arnold for the composed finish.
Narrative points matter around here, and “first goal that sparks a five-goal outburst” is a pretty compelling story.
2) Cece Delzer’s second (47’ | UTA 2, POR 1)
🏆 Best Supporting Cast Award (ft. Cloé Lacasse)
Sometimes the assist deserves a little time in the spotlight too.
Cloé Lacasse provided exactly that with a perfectly weighted cross into the box, one of her three assists on the night.
Delzer still had work to do, calmly guiding home a left-footed finish for her brace. A first-time volley with her non-dominant foot? No problem. Add in the celebratory dance afterward, and this one checks every box.
1) Kiana Palacios’ backheel (79’ | UTA 4, POR 1)
🏆 Most Stylish Finish Award (aka the ‘Backheels Are Worth Double’ Award)
Backheels automatically earn bonus points around here.
Palacios’ clever flick was the kind of finish that makes you rewind just to make sure you saw it correctly. There’s a certain confidence required to try a backheel in front of goal—and even more to pull it off. Style points? Plenty.
If you’re sending one clip from this match to someone who missed it, this is the one.
And that’s the ranking! Five goals, three points, and one of the club’s most emphatic performances of the season is a pretty good day’s work for Utah.
