Key events
The weather is toying with us! The covers are now coming off and the groundstaff are even re-painting the crease lines. Stand by your beds.
Ah, the covers are being hauled back on, it is raining again. Michael Hann’s sigh of relief gusts over Primrose Hill.
“Rain? RAIN? Eee, lad – tha doesn’t know tha’s born.”
writes in my dad Matthew Lawrenson:
“When I were 16 – SIXTEEN! – I oughta been doing my GCSE revision, but I watched the cricket on BBC2. And what did I find? Phil DeFreitas bowling TWO balls and then nowt all day. And in those days, there were no socials or owt and we just had to wait for Tony Lewis to disappoint us in front of a drop splattered window. You kids today, don’t know you’re born…” etc.
I’ve written about this before too Matthew – was there anything more soul-sappingly disappointing as a child than flicking on the television on a summer holiday Test match morning fully expecting to luxuriate in a day of Test cricket watching only to be met with the sight of gun metal skies, thick drizzle and full covers stretched across the outfield? “As am sure you can see from the rather inclement scene behind me…” a mournful David Gower, Mark Nicholas or Tony Lewis would say down the lens. Crushing.
Like a toddler taking a Paw Patrol sticker off a poorly knee – the covers are being tentatively peeled away at Lord’s.
Egg on your face Scott Walker!
(cc Mike Jennings)
Now then! A message from on high – God proclaims ECB Comms Guru Chris Kerr sends a Whatsapp:
“If no further rain, pitch inspection 13:15”
If is doing some particularly heavy lifting I fear but we will say our prayers to Chris/God/any higher power.
John Harrington sends in this lovely note:
“James, with rumours of Test cricket making a return to terrestrial television, I have been thinking back to those halcyon days when the likes of Peter West had to fill hours of screen time while the British weather did its thing. If it is any consolation, on average, London has lower rainfall in August than Paris, Berlin, Florence, Barcelona, Amsterdam, Nassau, Acapulco, Miami, Noo Yawk, Kingston [Jamaica], Dallas and whatever Donald Trump is currently calling Montreal.
Monty Python pretty much hit the nail on the head with their sketch about the 1972 eclipse of the sun.
Lord knows what the Septics thought of this sketch, but as it was only on a vinyl record (“Monty Python’s Previous Record”) rather than a TV episode, it is entirely possible no one in the USA has ever heard this sketch. I am not sure many people in the UK have, either, but it was one of only about three LPs in the Sixth Form break-out* room in 1972 at Abbs Cross School, Hornchurch, so there’s about 30 or so of my former classmates who might remember it, although based on my experience at school reunions, I am the only person who remembers this sort of trivial nonsense.”
Trivial nonsense? I’ll hear nothing of the sort John!
Matt Emerson is also Temptationing fate:
Peter Salmon rightly slams this one into the rain delay mixer:
I’m not crying it’s just been raining on my face”
“Hi James”
Hello to the OBO surname approved Christopher Edge:
“Surely there’s got to be a mention of Saint Etienne’s Hobart Paving for combining surreal rain-infused imagery alongside practical instructions to England’s slip cordon:
Rain falls, like Elvis’ tears
Oh no, no sugar tonight
Out on the high street
Dim all the lights now
Cry coloured tears againAnd baby, don’t forget to catch me
Don’t forget to catch me
Don’t forget to catch me
Here’s hoping the Elvis tears at Lord’s dry up soon…”
Nothing happening at Lord’s I’m afraid, apart from the small matter that it is absolutely splooshing it down. That is in fact music to the (discerning) ears of Michael Hann who sends in this Amis esque (Amissian?) short story:
“Hello James, my American partner is currently staying with me, and last night – in warm sunshine on Primrose Hill – she unexpectedly expressed an interest in watching international cricket, since she had heard there was a match at Lord’s. I immediately went online and found, incredibly, there were some seats left on the Lord’s website, and duly paid £180 for two of them, caught in the excitement of showing this majestic sport to someone new.
I only checked the weather forecast after buying the tickets. Now I am in the position of praying for no play at all so I can get a refund for my own stupidity.
In that spirit I absolutely cannot recommend Dry the Rain by Beta Band for your rainy playlist.”
Our very own Luke McLaughlin is getting into the soggy swing of things:
“Sticking with 90s Dad Rock rain-related tunes…”
He’s alluding to my Travis infused preamble and no I will NOT hear a bad word sad against Fran and the lads. You hear?
“Hopefully the fans will get this later?”
Hard acts to follow…
Gah. Simon then updates a few seconds later to say it is hammering down now at Lord’s. Time to get stuck into his piece on Azan Awais then:
The lovers, the dreamers and me
It’s a strong start from Gary Naylor.
Simon pops up again from Lord’s to give an encouraging/not at all encouraging update. No rainbows in prospect just yet:
It is CURRENTLY NOT RAINING! But you can always tell how optimistic the ground staff are about the near future by how busy they get when the rain stops, and they are currently not at all busy. Some gentle squidgeeing is taking place.”
Righto, I’m going to hunt down some coffee and I’ll be back in a bit to sift through your suggestions for rain related genius. I’ve already done Andie MacDowell in FWAAF so you can’t have that. Sorry.
Live from Lord’s… it’s Simon Burnton!
It’s the most annoying kind of rainfall. Only just more than no rain. Lazy rainfall, the kind that can’t really be arsed to get out of its fluffy cloud of a weekend. Parsing the rain radar it looks like there might be an hour or so of afternoon dryness, but it’ll largely fall between 1-2pm so will probably be spent having lunch. It’ll then get heavier for as long as it takes for everyone to finally give up. On the plus side, I’ve ordered some wine.”
Stef B has been in touch to lament the weather but does suggest we have a communal listen to Chopin’s Raindrop Prelude. About time someone brought a touch of class to things round here:
Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.”
Please do send me your favourite rain/weather related songs, lyrics, books, films, quotes, scenes etc
Barney Ronay dipped his quill on Jofra:
Catch up with yesterday’s action with Ali Martin’s report:
The rain shouldn’t stop England winning this match and taking the series with one game still to play in Birmingham.
Joe Root’s side are 260 runs ahead with seven second innings wickets in hand. The forecast for later today and tomorrow is better, there should be plenty of opportunity for England to secure a first series win in 18 months. Gulp.
Preamble
James Wallace
Why does it always rain on me? Is it because England have Pakistan 81-3?
I’m afraid it is going to be a severely rain affected day three at Lord’s and the forecast is particularly grim, Rowan Atkinson’s Blackadder might describe it as wetter than a platypus at a private prep school. Something like that anyway.
We’ve had news from on high (the ECB bods rather than God, though it would be useful to get a steer from the biggun) that the start of play is ‘Officially Delayed’. Well, indeed.
The covers are on and will be for the foreseeable, any updates I’ll bring to you toot suite. Until then we’ll just have to while away the hours in trusty OBO rain delay fashion.