Oh, hey, look at that, there’s a new Specialized Tramac!
After reading the review, I can’t decide which is more ludicrous: Specialized claiming this is “the fastest road bike ever made”…
After weeks of leaks and rumours, the new Specialized Tarmac SL9 has finally been officially launched.
Claimed to be “the fastest road bike ever made”, it’s said to be a grand total of 4 watts more aerodynamic than its predecessor – the S-Works Tarmac SL8 – and as light as 6.5kg without pedals in this flagship build spec.
…or a bike reviewer thinking he’d be able to tell on a three-hour press ride:
Unfortunately, I’m just not convinced the changes add up to a tangible performance improvement. The margins are simply too small.
I mean come on:
It’s light, fast, handles brilliantly, accelerates quickly and so on, but I couldn’t help thinking that if you blindfolded me, there’s no way I’d have been able to tell the difference between an SL9 and an SL8.
If you blindfolded him he’d barely be able to tell the difference between an SL9 and an Allez, let alone an SL8:
And if you moved the wheels and drivetrain from the Tarmac over to the Allez our blindfolded bike reviewer would find them completely indistinguishable.
But while the latest Tarmac may or may not be the fastest road bike, the fastest gravel bike is undoubtedly the new Giant Revolt Advanced SL. Just watch this video!
Still not convinced? Well chew on this gravel for awhile:
To truly understand these bikes, you have to look at their identical underlying skeletons. Both the Revolt and Devote Advanced lines utilise Giant Bicycle Group’s most proprietary high-modulus carbon resin. This shared advanced composite framework relies on a triad of manufacturing systems:
Carbon Nanotube Technology (CNT): A resin blend that boasts strengthened microscopic bonds between fibre layers, aiming to improve impact resistance.
Continuous Fibre Technology: The application of long, unbroken sheets of carbon fabric, which aim to eliminate overlapping joints, and therefore strip away dead weight while maximising structural strength.
Precision Cold-Blade Cutting: Laser-precise, mechanical cutting of individual composite swatches, which claims to ensure a flawless, minimised layup with zero wasted material.
I’m fairly certain that’s the exact same process they use to make a pair of pants for Old Navy.
But who even cares? It’s all so very exhausting! Almost exhausting as the unending road rage incidents:
Here’s a summary of the cyclist’s account:
“We both had a green light, um, no blinker, he rips into a turn, I fully jam my brakes…”
“…I ride away and as I’m going by I just give him a li’l tap on his car like, ‘Hey man, watch out…’”
“I guess that fully just triggers him…”
Of course it did. Touching an idiot’s car instantly activates Moron Mode. You might as well try to stick your pinky up a cat’s ass. Mind you, this is not to defend the motorist’s behavior in any way; however, if you’ve been riding long enough you know that touching someone’s car results in road rage at least 95% of the time–especially when it’s a fine motorcar such as this one:
And is anyone even remotely surprised that the automobile involved is a Nissan Altima?
I mean sure, Canyon is the Nissan of bikes, but still:
Also, I didn’t even need to see the video to know the driver was wearing Crocs:
He’s clearly a true motorsports enthusiast, too, because his pedal foot is in sport mode, while his idle foot is in comfort mode.
That’s how you rack up this many violations in 2025 alone:
Keep in mind this app only shows parking and camera violations, and any moving violation issued by a police officer would not be reflected here. Also, getting a speed camera violation in the city is pretty hard, since you need to be going at least 11mph over the speed limit. Indeed, as an avid motorist myself, I’m always astounded by how many tickets people manage to accrue. Yes, navigating the city’s intricate parking regulations can be challenging in the same way a 5th grade math problem is, but I’ve had the same license plate since 2003 and I could count the number of tickets I’ve received in that time on one hand while picking my nose. Meanwhile, this guy’s got over a thousand dollars in fines
To put it in perspective, that’s like 20 pairs of Crocs, or like five Altima lease payment!
I’m pretty sure Nissan’s financial arm accepts payment in Crocs.